What is to come of 2011? I'm not sure. I'm praying that it'll be better than the last 10 years.
I think going "Simple" is the way to go this year. I'm trying not to have high expectations of people or of myself. I'm not saying that this is in any way a "resolution" because I've exhausted all possibilities to find and maintain Happiness. That's what everyone searches for, right? Whether that happiness comes from where you live, to where you work, to who your with, to just about anything! I've already been hit with one disappointment this year and I can't say that I didn't see it coming. I had a feeling... but I honestly thought that it would turn out differently this time around. I got too ahead of myself (classic Lynn move)... I get too damn impatient sometimes... and I've got no one to blame but myself for it.
Everyone has their high and low days and for some reason I'm at a low point today. I'm not even sure why. It's not because I just turned a year older yesterday. My Birthdays is becoming less and less significant to me. Not to sound depressing... but I used to make a big production of my birthday. Celebrating it with house parties and 3 day weekend birthday events... but I guess I only did that because it's the only time of the year that I'm allowed to be centre of attention. (Being a middle child.. I guess that's textbook behavior).
It's funny, cuz someone asked me during the holidayz "How are you?" not in the normal small talk kind of way but because this person knows that all single people feels a lil more lonely during that time of the year. Surprisingly, I was fine and happy because I pretty much had my whole family with me. It's not until today that I've felt "lonely". I guess all the siblings and lil kids are all gone.. and the house is a lot quieter and I'm left alone with my own thoughts that it's been bringing me down.
I have no real desire to really go out anymore. I would rather stay at home, watch tv/movies all day long. The problem with that is that I start to think about stuff. I guess now that the holidayz are over, there's no real distraction. I have one more birthday celebration and after that... I'm back to my routine... and doing it by myself....OK... i seriously gotta cheer up cuz I'm getting even more depressed jus typing all of this stuff.
I guess what I'm really complaining about is having that companionship when doing Nothing... does that make sense. I mean.. not jus having someone there to keep you company when you watch tv.. and this may come across as something really girly but I do miss being close to guy...I guess that the lonely single part of me that's speaking.. Somedays, I could care less doing nothing by myself... but like days like today, sometimes you jus need a hug and be with someone to cuddle with. (i know.. sounds too girly and gay...but what can i say... sometimes that's all a person needs. It's hard to put into words...I guess it's like that song "You've lost that loving feeling"... LOL... I lost it.. where can i get it back... LOL... i guess i'm jus rambling on and on... and it's the mood that i'm currently at.
I'm hoping that this feeling will fade and that I can jus go on with life and be happy. Jus need something to look forward to and to keep me distracted.
Ok.. I think i'm done now... I jus wanted to get that off my chest and hope that things will brighten up soon. I'll be fine... Like i said.. everyone has their highs and lows.
So my note to 2011..
Dear 2011... please be kind to me this year, please! This is all I ask. That is all!
